The Dons Fedora (8:51:25 PM): You have just challenged a god.

The Dons Fedora (8:51:29 PM): It has begun.

That's right. It has started. Kevin has challenged a God. And i will Captain this ship to glory.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait...

So they told me...

And so i most earnestly tell you.

Wait. It's worth it.

THE END!

;)

~Nick

Ah, *sigh*, what a place we have here, eh?

Well, today was a lovely day. Oh, and it rained! And then it was warm! Ah, yes, well, it's the little things in life one must learn to rejoice in, i suppose. At least, that's what they tell me. :)
Anyhow, well, things roll on as they always do. It's just a matter of how smoothly or roughly i let them. And they've been goin' rather smoothly, mind you. Smoothly, maybe wishing there were more roses to stop and see along the way, but smoothly none the less.

Well, i suppose it's time to plant some roses, then. Don't mind me, i'll be in the garden for a while. I'll watch the birds a while, the bugs, and wait for the flowers to grow.

It'll always comes back to that, doesn't it? Waiting for the flowers to grow. Whether it be roses, apple trees, or anything of the sort. Everything just depend on waiting for the flowers to grow. Or i could go into a deep metaphor, but i'm in no proper mind for that. :)

Well, i'll be off. No dilly-dallying, i suppose. :)

Oh, and by the way, Josh Groban is fantastic. And, to be horribly cliche, his songs remind me *sniffle* of my life *sniffle sniffle*. Oh boy. Hehehe!

Hasta!

~Nick

Well, at least im getting some help now. Thats the first step, they say. Admitting that you need it. Maybe the psychologist can fix it. At least that way i wont do anything stupid again. My head and stomach still hurt. I hope this makes things better. I dont like it when things like this happen and when i go crazy. losing control. I hope this makes things better.

Oh, and i dont think ill eat another buffalo wing again.

I am chained and chained i will remain

Happiness comes from satisfaction and being sufficient enough for yourself and, less and, yet, more importantly, those around you. Both of which have been stripped from me. I cannot be happy, now. Not truly, not at all.

I tried so hard to make it work, to make her happy. I saw that maybe things wouldn't work the way i wanted it to. So i stopped. And i walked away. And...and now i can't even speak. Now i can't even sleep or breathe or eat or anything. I just can't bring myself. If i cannot be there, than why am i here at all? To see her like that was unbearable.

And then to have my parents say the same. To say that i was too much trouble, ungrateful, not good enough, not trying hard enough. That. I cannot speak.

I think i have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

I have no idea. I thought i was right. I thought this was the way.

I think i was wrong.

I am not chained

I will not, should not, and cannot sit here anymore and be thrust in and out of this situation. I'm being tossed around like a salmon at a fish market and i'm being dropped! I will not be dropped, d'ya hear me? I can't be. Not anymore.

I am liberated.

I am free.

i am the best friend you always wanted.

I am the guy who will be there 'til kingdom come.

I am exactly what you need.

I am not obligated to feelings that are not obligated to me.

I am on my way.

I...

I refuse to have a bad day.

My Starry Eyed Glsses of Gone A Hazy Shade of Winter...and I like it

Something about the snow...Something about the snow made it very different, today. Different to handle, different to consider, different to analyze, different to stop analyzing. Different to realize that to analyze was to ruin it. Different when i figured out that it isn't fair to ME. To ME, of all people.

There's just something about the snow...something that made me sit on that front porch for half an hour and want to say so many things, but end up just talking about everything anyway. Something that made me never want to leave.

Something that let me get home in a miraculously short amount of time.

Something that said THINK YOU IDIOT! AND STOP SCREWING AROUND! Think about it.

Something that made me want to shout it to the world.

Something that made me want to sit in a park for hours on end.

Something that thinks i really should.

Something that made me see what it was to be a 'before' and not an 'after'.

Something that's ready. Ready to go.

There's something about the snow...

Please snow

I wish it would snow more. For some reason i feel incredibly at ease when it's snowing or raining. I just feel like i could sleep in it. Like i could sit out in the snow and let it cover me and just breathe in the cool night air and be at peace. I don't know why, quite frankly, but i wish it would snow more.

I wish it would rain. I find it so terribly pleasant to rain in the winter months. Ice cold droplets and the like...it's just...refreshing, i guess.

I'm in the most peculiar mood. For some reason, the only thing i can think about is how i wish it would snow more. Everything i think and thought seems to be so infinitesimal right now...like, no matter how much i thought it did, it never really mattered in the first place.

God i'm a psychopath.

Well, here's to that.

From the flipside,

Nick.

P.S.

Ask me what i did tonight...tomorrow i mean. Ask me what i did tonight tomorrow. Right.

Of Pwnage and Jesus

Two things you wish you hard more often in the same sentance...lol

Anywho, Yorkville=pwned. PLain and simple. Congrats to my fellow pwners for, well, pwning. Bravo and i demand, nay, require an encore.

OoO. And, if you care to, i'm getting Confirmed tomorrow and afterwards there's a nice little jesus schindig at my house if you want to come and chill w/me...it's at 6 pm. Tere'll be dinner, friends from church, craziness and jesus, so come and stop by, even if it's just for a minute or two. Oh, and Mass is at 3pm at Sts. Peter and Paul. mapquest it if you care to.

Ah, somedays are just good, you know? and somedays...somedays are just weird...

but somedays. somedays are

perfect.


See you on the flipside,

Nick

Conference

Yes, ladies and gents, the first SouthWest Suburban Prairie Conference Championship goes to Oswego East. Oh yea. Lean with it, rock with it, baby. Oh yeah. Li and I took third in dda, damn skunk judge, and i took second in hi, even though i beat the kid who got first in both of my prelims but w/e. I'm very happy with my performances...not that they really matter to me in the slightest right now...

Well, congrats to the OEHS speech team for doing a fantastic job yesterday.

Now that's what i call pwnage.

Clanking his medals, and hoping everyone else is doing the same, ;)

Nick

Sleigh Bells Ring, Are Ya' Listenin'?

I sure hope you are. Ah, Christmas time. Gotta love it! I love Christmas Eve, too. We go over to my grandparents house and they give out all their presents and we give them theirs and the food is good and the laughter is contageous and i wish i could take everyone i knew! *sigh* But, alas, the only reason that i couldn't is...

My grandma probably didn't make enough cookies. Yup. Only reason.

oOo, tell all of ur Christmas plans here, unless ur on a cruise!!!...lol, anywho. Oh, and

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Feeling jolly,

Nick

Rockin' Aroud the Christmas Tree

Yes, folks, its that time of year again. The time where joy and hapiness pervades the soul of ever cold hearted SOB around the world. Where ya' give and'ya get, but you just enjoy the time you spend together because, knowing the typical American family, it's probably the only time you're not bashing in each others skulls.

;)

Well, here's to Christmas break, ladies and gents. Stay in touch. Look here for any anouncements regarding holiday parties, etc 'cause i'm sure there's gonna' be one.

oh i almost forgot.

My URL
http://www.myspace.com/thespianpancake

My Blog URL
http://blog.myspace.com/thespianpancake

there's that...i have joined myspace...i know, i know, it's nothing against you, Blogger...i'm just expanding my horizons...

Well folks, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,


Nick

Bop It's Revenge

Ask me about that, or spence, max, dexter, or jake, for that matter. Bop It will return with a vengeance.

Had a pretty good weekend. cavyr's party was good, so was max's house, obviously. Speech was good, a little disappointed in myself for not breaking ,but it can only go up from here and, with a whole lot of hard work, I can do it. For hi and dda.

Other than that, just havin' a blast. christmas is in a week! HOly CRAP. I still haven't done my shopping! ....ruh roh.

:)

Well, folks, time to go eat breakfast. I'll talk to y'alls later today.


The first time in a while i'm not on the flipside,

Nick

And the Award For Worst 'Hint-Taker' Goes To...

Yes, thank you, thank you. you'd think i'd get it after a while...lol...guess not

today was an okay day...my ticker was botherin' me a little today...Dani was pretty stressed so i'm pretty worried about her...probably don't have to be, but i am... ;)...here's to me for overreacting... :P

Work was alright...long, as usual, but worth the time, i think...'specially for what i'm usin' the money for. :) Best birthday present ever in the history of the world. No joke, either. No really, you're not gonna believe it.

Anywho, well there ya go. Tomorrow looks promising, and i hope to make it much more.

Well, time to hit the hay, my friends. Oh, and Josh, here's to some honest graft.


Slicking the streets with no help from the rain,

Nick

For the first time in my life, i don't want to be here. In this house. Ever again.

I spent and hour and fifteen cleaning and straightening, w/o being asked just for the chance that maybe my mother would give me some peace...i sat through dinner waiting on every word she said, not really watching CSI, but just hoping that nothing would happen.

All i got was silence.

'You alright Nick?' she said

'Yeah, yea just fine.'

She didn't say word. I worked my ass off and she didn't say a word. I was thankful and yet horrified. It was the most terrifying, hectic, busying, unsatisfying, silent thing. I just felt that maybe if i did everything for her, she would leave me alone.

And she did.

But it wasn't worth it. To work my ass of for nothing instead of negative? it means nothing. it was as if none of it existed to her.

It was the worst night of my life. Best dinner i've ever had, but the worst night.

I can't be here anymore. It just makes me sad. Everything's so much heavier here. Every glass. every plate, every heart. It was work. It was work to think it was work to breathe it was all work. It was work to exist in a little shred of peace that wasn't really peace anyway. It's all so heavy now.

I just can't do it for you, mom. Everything i've done i've done to make you happy, and then b/c you said so, and then to make you leave me alone and now? Now it means nothing to you. Everything i've striven to be means nothing to you. I am forced to sit around waiting for the next blow and doing everything i can to avoid taking it. I just can't do it for you, mom.

I just.

I need a holiday.

Nick

No, mom, I'm Sorry

You think for one second my mother could realize she's nagging me? She did it in front of Spencer, for crying out loud and she tried to say that she wasn't when, very, very clearly, she was.

Can i get a moment's peace? You wonder why I'm stressed and have to feel like a flippin' robot all the time w/this stupid thing i'm hooked up to, it's not because i do too much, that's for sure. Sometimes i wonder if i don't do enough. It's because you, mom, unceasingly tell me i'm doing to much and need to slow down and that i'm going to hurt myself and that i slack off in my responsibilities at home and , when i forget stuff i need to do, you flip out and say that i do it just to make your life harder and make this more difficult for you when, in fact, the only people who get the rotten end of that deal are Liss and I.

I have over a 4.0, i do bloody awesome in speech temand and drama, i'm a half decent son, i get home on time, i do my homework, my room is relatively clean...you'd think you could give me a break, but no. There is always more work to be done, always room for improvement.

You know...

I'm just not good enough for you, am I, mom?

Yeah, that's what i thought.

I'm jsut complaining too much...maybe it's not that bad...somebody somewhere's got it worse,a fterall...but man

Yeah, yeah that's what i thought, mom.

Catch you folks later,

Nick

Have I Told you Today How Lucky I am...

The end of the Schmuel Song from the Last Five Years says it all, ladies and gents. And that is the one thing i have, besides all of you, of course.

;)

Well folks, let's just take this one day at a time, shall we? Yesterday was, well, it was monday, but like i told Dani, I've had some dang good mondays. :P

But today, today is tuesday and, thusly, better than monday.

God, I'm such a nerdball. lol. OoO I can't wait to go caroling on friday with vj...that should be a nice fun and relxing time. You should all come and hang with us! And then a speech meet...Morris, but tough none the less...that should be fun...hopefully we'll come home with some hardware from that one....mmmDDA....yummm....all our duets this year have a great deal of pwning potential, lemme' tell ya'...

Well, i suppose i should get oof of my fat arse and get ready now, eh? Well, you all should listen to the Schmuel Song...it'll make you smile...and chuckle...and

think.


'Til I die or ya' find someone better,

Nick

P.S. Starship Troopers. Now that was a funny movie...it's where that signature's from...that was a funny movie...obnoxiously gorey...but funny...kind of.

:/
:?
:]
:p
:)

I Understand You've Been Runnin' From a Man that Goes By the Name of the Sandman...

At least, that's what it feels like, ladies and gents.

Here we go.

Thump. Thump.

Right on time...so far...

Worried...stressed...it's an endless cycle...

I'm making no sense.... i should sleep.

Don't throw away those leftovers just yet!

THE Re-Thanksgiving!!!
Who: OEHS Drama/Speech Kids/Friends o' mine!
When : Saturday, Nov. 25thTime : 5:00 p.m
Where: Zach Haf's new house


Its at 745 Spires Drive Oswego

On wolf, theres a road called 5th in between Plank JH and the town houses.
After your on 5th go past the first road (It goes all the way through) the next left is Versilles, take it.
Then take an immediate right onto Bonaventure.
And then a left onto Spires
My house is the fourth on the right side, its gray.

Call him atr 408-1705 for more info!!!!

And bring food! Lots of it! These are the times we long to remember, so let's give ourselves reason! And what good reason it is!

And bring sparkling grape juice...lots... :)

See you there

P.S. Check out Hilary Clark's blog for details 2

http://iistehprocrastinatorintehlair.blogspot.com/

P.S.S. HAppy Thanksgiving!

80th post...sweet

That's cool. Thusly, i will fill the post with something cool; things we should appreciate more. The times we just genuinely laughed.

To taking rootbeer shots
To taking too much of the previously stated
To playing a bad game of spin the bottle...of Pam, that is
To the ice cube game
To small plastic weiners
To small plastic food in general
To taking shots of monster
To the people who can actually stomach the previously stated
To taking belly shots
To wearing animals on your head
To driving around in circles
To going fishing
To the ice cube game
To failing at the previously stated
To mostly truth or dare
To Guitar Hero Two
To completely pwning the previously stated
To Spencer's Dad's mullet
To crying myself asleep last night because of the previously stated...lol
To having a portrait of yourself being done in streamers
To Dani being more attracted to the streamers than to me..lol
To Being Jeolous of the streamers...lol
To not being tickelish...
To realizing you are, in fact, tickleish
To little tiny water guns that cause great pain
To bringing toupes back...
To not knowing how to spell the previously stated word
To wishing you had more times like these
To realizing that every day is like that
To realizing that you never really want to let these people go
To realizing that you don't have to
To Lauren and Irving
To the previously stated finally happening...lol
To being slap happy
To losing a sock
To sitting on the roof of a car
To missing someone
To embracing someone
To making someone smile
To making someone laugh
To being mushy
To not being able to help being mushy
To Christmas
To caroling
To giving presents
To getting presents
To giving really good presents
To your heart beating faster when you think about someone
To your heart skipping a beat...which mine actually does, so does my mom's...

To your heart stopping ever time she smiles...
To having to find a way to get the previously stated heart starting again
To realizing you don't really have to

Happy Holidays

Nick

...'Til I'm Done Thanking God...

Another little clip from The Last Five Years. What a great musical...i never really get tired of it.

Well, ladies and gents, nothin' too new to report, here. Just the same wonderful weather we've been having and the same lucky son of a gun to tell you about it. And oh, lemme' tell ya', am I a lucky son of a gun.

;)

To "Finally's" and not "Maybe's",
To laughter,
To singing,
To good singing,
To Church,
To Mountain Dew,
To good pizza,
To bad pizza,
To learning a new language,
To root beer floats,
To skipping,
To watching the clouds,
To throwing snowballs,
To watching snow fall,
To waiting for Santa...
To knowing Santa really does exist... ;)
To changing the world,
To bowling,
To bowling badly,
To waiting just to see her smile one more time,

Yeah, here's to that.

Nick

P.S. Transit has Guitar Hero 2...dude...we are SO gonna rock...

Obligations

First, i would like to say that the band concert last night was wonderful! And i'm not just saying that either. There were some gorgeous pieces performed admirably yesterday that really took you out of the world you knew and into someplace inspired by music. Forgetting, i call it. beautiful fine arts, like that band concert, can make you forget. Can take you elsewhere. Bravo, bandgeeks, bravo. Props to the brass. Those mello's and trumpets, man, they were awe inspiring, lemme' tell ya'...and i'm not just sayin' that either.

*sigh* Unfortunately, the majority of my night was not spent pondering the beauty of music, among other things... ;)..... but instead was making phone calls in regards to my wonderful ability to be the master of double booking myself. First off, i had intended not to go to the eighth grade concert because i had a very important rehearsal for a mass coming up but, as i was informed, a cappella was singing at that concert, besides the combined piece i mean, and i pretty much had to be there...so, as you can imagine, the choral director for this mass was not exactly happy with and, after what I made him realize, not too happy with himself. I seem to have sent him into a rather dramatic tailspin away from being, quite possibly, the most amazing church choral director ever...all because I couldn't keep my schedule straight...

And i can't do the limelight radio show because i have to get a job very soon if i intend on going to DIsney World this year...don't worry i emailed Brian last night about it...he's probably not very happy, but circumstance prevents me from making everyone happ all the time...

And throughout this entire endeavor, my mother has been there to remind that it is, in case there was any dispute about te matter, my fault that the choir is going to go downhill because i am not there, my fault that Limelight will not be very pleased with me, my fault that my integrity has been blemished, my fault that i haven't gotten a job yet, my fault that i can't keep my schedule straight.......all of which is true...but like i need one more person ramming it down my throat constantly.

I'm srry. I do hate venting...it really gets you nowhere in life...time to fix it

Wishing he had found the time to kiss her goodbye....damnit,

Nick

Yes........................................................................................Schwat?

That was pretty much the extent of that wonderful episode. Yes, ladies and gents, after 30 days of waiting, waiting, waiting, perserverence paid off in the end. I have finally gotten my second chance.

Yipppeeeee!!!

That was definately the most wonderful monday i have had to date. :) What am i going to do about that Dani girl? Be utterly romantic....or fail miserably. :P Well, here's to given it all you got, eh?

In reality, i really just don't know what to say. It's kind of funny, actually. Speechless...of all the times to be speechless.... :)

Here's to rootbeer ice cream, Osama Bin Laden, Ghandi, world peace...and the purple corner.

;)

Wishing he could do a backflip, several actually,

Nick

And The Little Boy Looked at His Brother and Said "Who are you?" and he Replied, "I'm the Godfather, Kid." and handed him an orange...

Yeah...the title's a little wacky, but it will become clear in the end...

First off, Dani's party=flippin' sweet. It was SO fun. Sometimes I love being a teenager and that, my friends, was one of those times.

I had a funny eperience, though. In reference to the title, I was just talking to Kevin, who was dressed up like good ol' Veto, and i noticed something. There was something about his face i couldn't accept. Something i didn't recognize. i went to talk to Spencer about it but he had it too. There was something about us. Something was...different...something at that party had changed all of us...then, i got it.

We grew up.

Just a little, but enough to get noticed. Not maturity wise, of course, but definately in action. I looked at myself in the mirror and I too didn't recognize myself. And the younger ones, in reference to all the Soph's and the Freshy's that were there, still looked young. It was intriguing. Kind of crazy, actually.

Well, i should probably get ready to go to school. :I not quite sure how i feel about that...lol Well, have a good one, folks. Stay outa' trouble and don't forget

You're never as young as you are right now.

Mapquesting Neverland,

Nick

To Be Continued...

but before we do.....where's that Marching Band Schindig at? Apparently the characters are invited?...Just leave me a blurb....a bigger/better post coming soon to a theatre near you...

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home From Men's Ensemble...

I just started playing...i sat at that piano for the better part of three hours...and i just played...it was as if time didn't matter....by God...it was absurd....It was like i had heard it before, but not quite...like i had heard it along time ago...but so far you can't remember when...

Whoa...it was weird...ask Josh Riefsteck about it...he describes it rather well...or Hilary....or Liana...or Kylie...my oh my oh my...

I have to write it down...it's absurd...and quirky and it all makes sense! Ah! You know what it was? Naw, i'm not going to tell you...

Questioning Music,

Nick

P.S. Props to the Oral Interp Reader's Theatre...it was hilarious...some things should never be forgotten....THAT, friends, is one of them...

And That, Ladies and Gents', is How You Go Out

Yes, yes it is. And don't you ever forget it. Here's to you.

Wishing Oct. 25-28 was a relative statement,

;)

Nick

Real Days...

I'm not quite sure how else to describe it...there are days when you get up and the sun feels a little warmer and the breeze a little brisker and the air a little fresher...it just feels so much more real...hehehehe

I had a pie for breakfast. Yeah bro, oh yea. That was some damn good French Apple pie, lemme' tell ya'.

I just know today is going to be fan-flippin'-tastic. it's makin' me giggly...

Here's to never being as young as we are right now...and optomistic perseverence.

Wishing 21 was his lucky number,

Nick

When you thought it was all goin' downhill...

Life reminds you why in the world it smacked you with a ton of bricks in the first place.

Today was just a damned good day, i must say. Classes were uber fun, for a change, Diviners went very well today, i felt very good aobut my work, but never satisfied, i was reminded why in the world I love singing so much, God bless Julio the Cat, and, well, yeah!

Ah, gotta' love these days. Not to say that life isn't having its tumbles, of course, b/c it most certainly is, but that's really not the point now is it? AS i told Zack Hafenrichter

Music isn't just there, you have to make it.

being the poster boy of stupidity, yeah E-Steel y Michael Tornado y The Sharma-nator, to say something this remotely intelligent was a bit out of my comfort zone...

:P

God I love my work.

lol...anywho, life rolls on with a vengeance that just keeps rediscovering the same good reasons it's been rollin' on before.

And here's to the purple corner, where i find more happiness in the friendship there than anywhere else.

:)

Wishing it would snow more often,

Nick

Of Voice and Uber Pretzels

Now that's what i call a weekend. :)

Scratch that....I've had an apostraphe

Yes i said apostraphe.

And yes i meant epiphany.

Look, ladies and gents, here's the spill. Things are certainly not going to get better if we all sit around and yell and point fingers and be the teenagers we DON'T HAVE TO BE! And so i take that first step. WE have to WANT this to get better, folks. We have to approach every day not with the thought of man i hope this is a good day but, rather, Man THIS IS A GOOD DAY! This is how we need to live, friends! WAke up! We're all a little too sleepy. We all have to 'open our boxes' as Mr. Serra says, but leave them open!

It's time to live, people. And now is the time.

To tomorrow, the best day yet,

Nick

Insecure Mistakes

These little nibblers have a tendency to create lies in order to save one's ass and it's a sad thing when I see a friend succumb to it and turn on me. After everything i've said Kim would say that, of all things and then, once i knew , turn on me in an attempt to quell the truth. The truth will not be quelled and no lie or form of deciet shall keep me from it. And that is all i will say about it.

Where was I? Ah yes....square one.....waiting...and lovin' every minute of it, lemme' tell ya'.....well, almost every minute....

Long title, i know, but that's just how it goes.

Well, folks, it's been quite a tumultuous weekend, lemme' tell ya, but i won't bore you with the details. In summation, i finally got the courage to give the dorky little book to Dani and went over to her house and the whole shabang. We'll just see how that works out. Stay tuned.

The Diviners is getting there, it's really starting to get there. Today's speed run was a good test of lines and comfortability around people on stage. It really brought everything into perspective for everyone. This really has the potential to be a great show and, now, we;re just starting to realize it. Everyone is doing such a fantastic job. Jared has never stopped amazing and Carl is as fantastic as usual, the same with Lauren D. Spencer's bein' the old grumpy man he really is and zack and Sean are livening things up so much. Lauren B is steppin' out of her box plenty too. And Liana and Erin are, as expected, up to their old tricks of pwning major ass again. And Dani's stuff, aside from bein' pretty creepy at times, is really quite somethin' to look at. Gives me shivers.

They're all so fantastic. Pleasure to work with 'em, i tell ya'. We'll have a damn fine show yet, i assure you. Damn fine. :)

Well, that's all for now folks. Stay outa' trouble and keep in touch.


Waitin' on the world to change,


Nick

When all you can really think of to do is laugh...

I had two memorable moments like that today the better, or worse for that matter, of which i will share with you.

So my mother, in her infinite wisdom, chided me today. It took every ounce of control not to laugh hysterically and flip out on her at the same time. The scolding was something along the lines of...

"Just because you get straight A's doesn't mean you shouldn't break your good habits." Pardon? WTF? I can take a frickin' break every once and a while and talk to my friends online if i want to. I'm getting A's for the love of Mike. What more do you want from me? And that made me laugh. The incredible power of my mother to expect perfection out of excellence. Gotta' love it. Then she continued to rat on my room not being clean, never giving myself enough time to do any of my work and being home late all the time. I laughed to myself again. It's kinda funny, i guess. Oh well, what can ya' do?

Laughing is pretty much the only response i can think of presently. This weeks not goin' to bad. It's time to step it up with the Diviners. I just got to focus so much more now. This show isn't like POP or Macbeth or anything we've done before. It requires utter devotion which i intend to give to every extent of which i am capable. We just have to wipe are feet at the door and leave the world there. It'll be hard, didn't say it wasn't going to be, but it must be done.

This weeks going to be a good week. I can feel it. :)

Well friends, that's all for now. Tune in next time for...

Laughter at it's worst,

;)

Nick

P.S. And pray for Kylie who may need it for her grandpa.

We Are Men of Action...

Yeah...'bout that. Heh. ;) Anyway, i'll give you brownie points if you can tell me what movie/book that line comes from.

Well, life's not too shabby right now i guess, folks. You make the most of what you can and the best out of every situation as per usual, but it just seems to pay off a little more when it means somethin' to people. And yet...and yet my mother can still find a way to demand the highest from me. Same with my dad.

It's like they have no concept of what is actually physically possible for me to accomplish. Wanna' know somethin great? Right after the lock-in, which was fantastic not to mention, i'm riding home with my mom whom insists on lecturing me about how my room isn't clean and i didn't do my chores yet. Now i'd be okay with that except that i had no time to do them all week and she makes it out as if i had all the time in the world! And she ignores the fact that i have not had any sleep at all. So, even though i should've done them before, i went to sleep for a couple of hours, got several stern looks encouraging me to do my chores, did them, ate lunch and then went to sleep. For real this time.

Now, i don't mean to come off as whiney or complainy, if the latter is actually a word or not, but i just kinda' need to vent about it every once in a while. Keeps the anger from invading everyday life, ya' know?

Anyway, other than that, life's alright. Not too bad, but it could be better. Everybody's could in some little way, i guess. Well, at least i don't really have school today. Well, that's all for today folks.

Tune in next time for the amzing complaints of.......

Nick

anticlimatic, i know.

"We are men of action, lies do not become us."
- Wesley, The Princess Bride

The Truth of the Matter is...

Well, folks, things have really started to add up here. 'Specially for my parents. I don't know how or why it happenned, but we are flat broke and it's really startin' to ge to me. It's gotten to the point where money is starting to detract from the overal level of happiness experienced in my house, and that simply just cannot happen. It just can't. I guess i just did this out of desperation. Yeah, call it stupid, dumb, or what have you, but it just got to the point where handling it all was gettin' pretty tough and maybe, i don't know how, this thing was part of it.

Stupid, i know.

Anyway, i'll just get through this one way or another. I have to, for my parents, at least. I'm not asking for a pity party or nothin' but i just thought i'd throw that out there. It was tough for me to go bowling tonight. A buck 'fity a game, and i t was tough. Oh, Kimmi, found my quarters, i'll pay ya. My mom felt so bad. I could just see it in her eyes. She really wanted to give me somethin', anything, but she didn't have it. She just didn't. I'm just going to have to get a job. Don't know when the Hell i'm gonna work, but i just gotta'. To pay for all my stuff myself and for some of my sisters and whatever i can.

Well, off i go. Tryin' to save the world again. Here goes nothin'.

'Til i die or you find someone better,

Nick

John Keating: "But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be."

Dead Poet's Society

Well, there's nothing to keep me here now, is there?

A song i used to hum quite some time ago.

They Can't Take That Away From Me

The way you wear your hat,
The way you sip your tea,
The mem'ry of all that
No, no! They can't take that away from me!

The way your smile just beams,
The way you sing off key,
The way you haunt my dreams
No, no! They can't take that away from me!

We may never, never meet again
On the bumpy road to love,
Still I'll always, always keep The mem'ry of

The way you hold your knife,
The way we danced 'til three.
The way you changed my life
No, no! They can't take that away from me!
No they can't take that away from me!

Well, folks, that's all. The end. Nothing to see here. Just move right along down the road. I'll catch you all another time and another place, but La Isla De Muerta has become just that. I'll comment every once in a while, but this is the kaputzka for Davy Jones' Locker. I'll be around, no worries. Things have just started to add up a little, ya know? We all carry luggage, the little burdens of life. My parents, school, theatre, speech, and, well, questions without answers have all really kicked me in the pants lately. Don't worry, i'll ge through this somehow. Afterall, i'm Nick Pankuch

I have to.

Good night and Good luck,
Your friend,


Nick

Giggle, Giggle, Stop!....and Giggle Some More Why Don't Ya'?

Ah, good times. Anywho, I'm really excited about the lock-in today. I have a feeling it's going to be not only fun, but a very, shall we say, interesting experience. Fruits has a tendency to be into that sort of thing. It should be fantastic, whatever happens.

Ooh, went to the Panther Marching Review yesterday and it was pretty sweet. Now, i don't pretend to know much about marching bands, but there was some pretty darn cool stuff goin' on out there. And the NIU Marching Huskies were fan-freakin'-tabulous! Band is pretty sweet, I must say.

Hmm, what else? Let me see here...well, that appears to be all for now, folks. Have a lovely weekend, stay out of trouble, and try not to get sick. Everyone and there mother seems to be catchin' somethin' awful lately so wash your hands and the like.

Tappin' the night away,

Nick

P.S. Hey Mike....5....WAAAAh..... :)

This Much I Know is True...

Life just keeps on rollin' and rollin', folks. Its got its occasional bumps and lovely downhill spurts but, overall, it's like waitin' to be pushed down the hill. Just sittin' in the trash can waitin' to give yourself that little shove...well, we'll see. I know I say that a lot, but, one has to keep the faith somehow, I suppose.

Transit came over and ran lines with me today...then Boba Fett got his ass kicked by Jango and Vader reminded Luke who his daddy was. Yeah, nothin' like some pointless, unbalanced board games to break up the monotony of life.

Well, nothing to interesting to report here. Mi hermana jacked up her leg...which sucks. She's gotta hobble around on crutches for a while. At least I'll get to make great Newsies references about Crutchy and all. There is a bright side to everything. Really, there is. I'm pretty anxious about IMEA...but we'll just take that however it comes. Oh, and we started this really cool song in men's ensemble today. It's from Sweeney Todd and it's quite romantic. I'm a sucker for good romantic songs. Should be fun... :)

I guess that's all I got for you right now, folks. Nothin' to grand or interesting...least not yet. I'm waiting though, oh, trust me, I am. Waitin' for the opportune moment. I'll know it when I see it...hope it's soon.

Patiently Impatient,

Nick

Feelin' Gutsy in Addison Trail

So IMHO auditions weren't horrible...'cept for the sightsinging. Things like that are considered illegal in most states, but apparently not this one. I did my best for the time and there's not much more I could ask of myself than that, i guess. I just ran out of breath in some weird places during the prepared pieces...but it wasn't tooi bad. I really hope more than one person makes it, and, with all the talented and skilled people who tried out, I think that shouldn't be too hard.

'Course, the title has nothing to do with the auditions, see. ;) When one spends nine hours in a strange place singing strange music in front of strange people, Julio included, one tends to become, well, more strange. we definitely reached the ice cream phase. It was absurd. Hilarious, but ridiculously absurd. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where all of us suddenly got gutsy. In Addison Trail. We all suddenly realized what we had to do...in Addison Trail. I just hope our courage plan has rollover, if you catch my drift.

Missing her arms,

Nick

Fiddle Fever

I need that cd, Spence. I do believe that everyone has heard that song, Fiddle Fever, i mean. That somewhere, deep in your heart, whenever you've laughed, or cried, or kissed, or loved, or embraced, or smiled that this is what it sounded like. It's SO gorgeous. brings back a lot of good memories. It's the kind of song that makes you wish life was just a little bit longer. Ah, i really have to get that cd.

I've decided that it's like teetering on the edge of a diving board. The thrill of jumping off and making the biggest darn splash you can possibly make but, at the same time, realizing how high you are and that you're losing your balance...Oh the suspense, it's horribly wonderful. i'm such a dork. srry, can't help it.

E Steel and i got to hear Julio's band tonight. Pretty flippin' sweet. And that was one big spider.

Not to be completely and totally random, but i love to watch the lightning. My dad was talking about how, back in the day, the guys would get together and drink rootbeer in somebody's garage watchin' the lightning and the rain. Those were the days, eh? Those were the days, indeed. Lightning has that tragic beauty to it, ya know? Like a wilting rose...yeah. Those were the days.

IMEA tomorrow....ahhh. Not exactly sure if i'm ready, or capable, of making it this year. I know the music, but i question if my voice will be well enough. Power of positive thinking, eh Dani? i hope it works...

Well, that's all i got for you tonight, folks. Nothin' too interestingly fantabulous goin' on in the life's of little old me. Well, besides that of course. And we'll just see how that goes, i guess...maybe one a' these days i'll...eh, maybe.

Cryptically blatant,

Nick

You Betta' Shape Up...

Wow, i had completely and totally forgotten why i hated the musical Grease until i watched it again this weekend...and at the same time, I seem to remember all of the flippin' songs. And, they get stuck in your head real easy. Gotta' love it, just gotta love it. I decided that any car i purchase, no matter how far away that time may actually be, will be named Grease Lightening, simply because it's horribly cliche and i like it. So there. Srry i didn't get to hang out at the after party...my parents went to see a play and they wanted us home...eh, schmeh. What can you do? Not much, that's what.

Well, this week looks to be a fairly long week, least 'til we get to the lock-in. That should be a whole lot of fun and a really cool experience, i think. Fruits has a knack for that kind of stuff. This show, lemme' tell ya' man, this show is gonna' be somethin' else.

Well, today looks to be an okay day. Now i just have to find a reason to make it a great one...shouldn't be too hard, eh?

;)

Automatic,
Systematic,
Hydromatic,
Say goodbye already,

Nick

Could'a, Should'a, Would'a...

I didn't want to be too push...I didn't want to crowd her too...I didn't want to go too fa...I didn' want her to get ang...I didn't...

Damn.

I know, i know. If i was waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

Ugh. Well, there goes the neighborhood.

It was a blast though. Here's to Luis, the biggest pimp i know. And to Liana and myself who reminded every guy and girl what it means to dance Latino style. And to Kylie. My back really hurts...lol...and to Jared who gave Luis a run for his money for bein' a pimp...And Fruits because...well...he's just himself.

Those are just to name the few i can remember...It was SO much fun. Here's to a damn good time.

I know, i know...I tried to change the subject.
Didn't work too well, eh?

Look, i've done all i can short of being a nuisance which, knowing myself, i've probably already succeeded in doing. We'll just see where things go from here, k? It'll be one heck of a ride, and probably a long one at that, but hey, things don't always come on a silver platter. One heck of a ride, indeed.

Wait...who's drivin'?

With enough horrible cliches to make you nauseous,

Nick

*Sigh*...

Well, folks, here we are. What a lovely place to be, eh? Metaphorical sarcasm, if you would.

Nothing too incredibly interesting goin on...homecoming this saturday...That should be an absolute blast. Hopefull the gents will get to have an overnighter on Friday...loosen up a little before we party it up. Lol.

Well, other than that, i got nothin for ya' folks. I hate to be boring and dismal, but life just keeps rollin' on. It's fun to see what each day throws at ya', but when it starts to throw the same things over and over again, you get tired of the monotony of it all real quick.

Well, today's a good day and it looks to be rather nice, i think. We'll see what happens, eh?

Borin' you to death ;),


Nick

Rise and Shine...

I woke up to the wonderful surprise of my window still being open. My father nearly always closes it, which I hate, so it was rather pleasant to feel the cold autumn breeze brushing against my face. I had one of the most interesting dreams yesterday.

I talked to a horse. Not just any horse, a horse who talked back. Yeah, somethin' tells me my mother put something in the barbecue chicken last night. When we were walking to the stable, presumably this horse's stable, I, for some odd reason, was counting the steps. The horse started counting too, but said all of the numbers wrong. This horse wanted to know everything about everything. It was weird. Especially machines. It didn't get the concept of cars and the like. And it was eating these big ass acorns. There was this tree that had really big acorns on it and it would pick one up with its teeth, put it down and step on it and then eat it. And Taylor and Zack Bare and Carl and Fruits were in it. Fruits was trying to shove all of these little tiny VW Bugs into one garage along with this model of a P-38 Lightening, my dad's favorite WW2 fighter plane, which he promptly dropped and tried to carry the rather large thing all by himself, refusing to let anyone take the burden.

Yeah. I'm pretty much a psycho. Just thought I'd share that little tidbit with you all. Not like you didn't know anyway.

Well, no day but today, eh? Promise me something. Yeah, all of you. If you read this before you go to school, which I expect only Kel-c will get around to that, promise me that you will try and make today one of the most wonderful days to date. I can promise you that I'm going to. Just, live a little. Take chances. Laugh a little harder and love a little longer. And jump. Take that leap of faith. See what happens.

But don't go without a bunji cord, eh?

;)

With the shape of an L on his forehead,



Nick

The Courage To Speak

Egh...

The one thing that i seem to have no trouble doing, doing too much of now that i think about it, i can't seemt to bring myself to start. I'm such a pansy.

I'd rant to y'all, but you've heard it all before and wouldn't believe me anyway, no matter how hard i tried. No worries, to be expected of course. No hard feelin's. It's just how life rolls, sometimes. One must overcome their own flaws and mistakes in order to climb to new heightts. Not to perpetuate the metaphor or anything, but it's this last step here that's killin' me. Just talking.

See, ladies, us gentlemen here, some of us ain't too good at talking about, dare i say it, feelings. XD Cracks me up just thinking about it.

Well, the only solution seems to work up some momentum and hit the ground running. And probably end up rolling down the hill, but at least it's worth the trip, eh? No pun intended.

same lame guy

same lame channel,


Nick

P.S.

I just played through my two favorite piano pieces of all time. Did better than usual, but i didn't feel it. At all. I hate that. I hate to miss the beauty and the love of things and the good times i could have, might have...might have. I would hate to miss that, but, even more so, i would hate to waste her time.

Egh...my sister's got a headache...she's gettin' sick...damn.

A Pleasant Kind of Torture

I know, i know. Cliche titles are starting to get to me, too. I can't help it. I'm a cornball. It's hereditary, believe me. My father takes the term corny to an entirely new level never before experienced by mankind.

Alright, now to the pleasant torture. Well, my sister is going to the dance, courtesy of a rather zealous Mr. Hafenrichter, whom i did not expect to do that, but was pleasantly surprised. She'll have a good time. That much is assured. So, i went in to talk to my sister right before we were hittin' the hay and she says, "Wanna see my dress?" 'Course i do! So she turns on her light, which was off for some reason and opens up her closet. I almost died laughing at the irony. It is the same exact color and style as hers was. I just about died. It was hysterical. It is hysterical.

I love it how the Big Man Upstairs has a funny way of letting you know he's screwin' with you. What a punk.

:)

Well, let's see how gutsy we're feelin' today, eh Hil? This may get interesting. Yup. I do believe it will.

Plain and simply,

Nick

...My arms won't free you,
and my heart won't try...

When the Sand Runs Out...

Since when did i listen to country, let alone Rascal Flatts? Who knows, but i like it. 'Tis a good song, too. Listen to it sometime. It's about livin' life to the fullest. Novel concept, eh? :) Oh, Okalahoma-Texas Line is good, too. Makes me laugh.

Well, thank you to the anonymous person who posted that thing from my sis's myspace. Wow. She's twice the person i could ever be. Stronger, faster and she's got wisdom to boot. Beats my sorry little ass, that's for sure. It's a rather pleasant feeling, too. We've talked about it of and on, her being my sister and all, and she's very determined to make her own name. :) Runs in the blood, eh? She'll do a fine job, too. She plays a mean game of basketball, she can act, she can dance, she can sing, and probably fly, if she really wanted to. It wouldn't surprise me. Not in the slightest.

Well, here's to undaunted and untameable spirit. It's the most beautiful thing i've seen.

I'm just sorry that the guy that loves her doesn't understand her for her. What's worse is he's one of my best friends. sigh. Oh, J-Mac, that's going to be an interesting conversation.

Here's to the truth, may it never die.

And here's to dancing be it in the rain or homecoming or next to a warm fire without music...that maybe i can try it one more time...cause i've changed.

Stay tuned,

Nick Pankuch

...Maybe, maybe,
you wouldn't say goodbye...

P.S. I Melt, listen to that one too.

Dancing in the Rain...

I can easily say that that was the highlight of my year, to date. There are no words to describe the flood of emotions, pardon the pun, that i had. Have. Yes, have. Have indeed. I wish they never leave.

None the less, Mrs. Clark, it really doesn't change the fact that i have yet to be proven wrong in the matter, though i look forward to the possibility in earnest yet it remains but a possibility still.

However, that doesn't change how wonderful it was...

Here's something i wrote today. It came to me instantaneously. It was kind of strange. Maybe it's not done, maybe it is. We'll see.

If You Could See Me Now

If you could see me now,
I'd tell you everything i never said,
I'd show you worlds we'd never seen before.
I'd take you to an empty sky and
fill it with stars.

If you could see me now,
I'd tell you what you mean to me,
And how you are my everything.

But you can't see me now.
And seeing you there in his arms
I shed tears of joy and sadness,
And yet i seem to die without you.

If you could see me now,
I'd take you far beyond our dreams,
But what does all this dreaming mean?

Singing to an empty sky and wishing i could hold you once again!

If you could see me now,
Maybe, Maybe.
If you could see me now,
Maybe you wouldn't say,
Goodbye.

Yeah, i'm a cheezeball. Sue me, sue me, what can you do me? Ten points to the ppl who get that reference. Ten more points if you get the irony.

On a much less brighter note, no pun intended there either, i found out something quite, i don't think i have a word for it. Devastating? I don't think it comes close. Turns out my sister really like this guy, which comes as a wonderfuly surprise, right? Yes, yes it does. You thought that's where the dramatic plot twist was. Anywho, this is where our tale gets serious. I had known this for a little while when 'til we went to the football game where my sister was rather upset, even though we were winning and it was a good close game which us Pankuch's always enjoy. I confronted her about it to whcih she responded, as per the norm, "I don't wanna' talk about it." To which i kindly replied, "Nice try. Spill it." Well, i know why she didn't want to talk about it now. This guy, whom she, apparently, really, really, really, likes, which doesn't happen very often for my sis understand, won't date her. Why? Because

She's Nick Pankuch's little sister.

Now, i don't care how much of an ass the guy is or whatever, The fact that my sister likes him, and he possibly likes her but won't give her a chance because she's related to me is devastating. The person that i've created, as crazy and weird and ridiculously fun as he is, hopefully, has hindered her. My sister. How are you supposed to respond to that? I almost feel like i should pack up and move out. I couldn't do that to her. I'm responsible for cause her trouble and like that, especially? I just, i just can't take that. i don't know what to do. How are you supposed to tell your sister that you would stop being who you are if you could, just to let her smile, even if it was for that short of a time...but you can't. It hurts her too. A lot. I see it. Every day, i do. I just don't know.

Well, that's all folks. I'm no Peter Barsch, Sean Connery or Micahel Buble.
Just good old, good for nothin'..;)... son of a gun

Nick Pankuch

Use your mentality, wake up to reality,
But each time i do just the thought of you makes me stop just before i begin...

I'm feeling gutsy, Hil. A little more than usual.

;)

No Day But Today...

Idk, folks. Today just doesn't feel right. I'm not quite sure what it is, but somethin' ain't kosher here.

Well, there's a game tonight. That, at least, should be a whole lot of fun. They always are. Hangin w/ the marhcing band is always good and Luis should be there, which is just gonna be hilarious.

Well, the Pankuch family as we know it is havin' to bite the bullet. Theatre Fest is all the money my mom had left....all of it. Aside money for food. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It's just gonna be rough....nothin' like Ramen noodles, eh? That's some good eatin'. :) I just hope i can find a way to procure enough money to go to homecoming. Egh. The aforementioned situation being, there seems to be a distinct possibility to the contrary. Damn. Well, we'll figure this out one way or another, eh? We always do.

Well, whatever happens, this is gonna be interesting. No day but today...

I'll stick to my guns 'till the bitter end, folks. 'Till they shoot me down in flames and glory, but, until then, I'll do everything i can. Everything.

To the Siege of Fort Sumpter, eh Reverend Reifsteck? Indeed. I pray this hope lasts through the night.

No matter what...

Same bad time, same bad channel,

Nick

No Matter What...

No matter what, i'll be here all the same. In whatever respect you care to have me in, I'll be here. Through thick and thin or till the Earth explodes; I'll be here. No matter what. Things are different, now, you see? I'm different. I've changed, for the better. Not that i'm Jesus, or anything, apparently that's Carl's job....or Kylie's....i'm a tad confused aobut that actually....but anyway...I've seen the things that i've done tear friends, family's and loved one's a part and those things aren't a part of me anymore. Plain and simple.

But, more importantly, I'll be there for you. No matter what happens, I'll be there for you.

It's my job, remember?

;)

No lies, no alias

Nick

Like Rollercoasters? Well, you're gonna!

First off, I will have no comments of a negative connotation unless they are for the sole purpose of comic relief. Anything judged not funny, or not funny enough, will be immediately deleted, as were the comments on the last post. There's your disclaimer, now on to rollercoaster.

Don't you just love 'em? With there up and downs and twists and turns and a really good drop and barrel roll. Ah, Six Flags, and Disney World, i.e. Space Mountain and the Rockin' Roller Coaster, and, more importantly, ah Life.

I don't have to ramble about how life is one humongoginormous roller coaster that we all have to get off of someday, so I'm not gonna'. I'll I'm going to say is.

For your maximum enjoyment, please stick hands and feet outside of the ride at all times.

Bad joke, I should delete that...

Well, you all know I'm one for posting lyrics...so here it goes. A lovely little taste of Sean Pankuch, my hermano.

Fairy Tale
by Sean Pankuch

Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy,
She thought he was, well, just fine and she was his source of joy,
He prayed everyday that she would see,
Exactly how he felt, just what he needs

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
I am your prince charming, I am your fairy tale

She looked at him and smiled and said 'I'll try to catch up to you,
Just keep your head up, and don't be blue',
Then that day came and her smile came too,
She said 'I might not be caught up, but I know that I love you',

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
I am your prince charming, I am your fairy tale

Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy,
we'll let them create the end, let's hang on
to their joy!

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
You are my fairy tale,
This is our fairy tale.

He wrote it about him and his fiance a while back. I like it. :) It's something we all are looking for.

Here's to the day we find it...or found it. ;)

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades'

Now Hold the Boat!

Alright, ladies and gents. Listen and listen good.

I don't know what on God's green Earth is goin on, but it stops. I don't care what i did, what i didn't do, what she said, what he said...we're human beings, for Pete's sake. Let's be mature. if you have something to say to or about someone, say it to their face. Trust me, it has a better effect that way.

We all just need to take a step back...

And go bowling.

Let's just calm down and take this one step at a time. We all make mistakes. That's how the world progresses. Because we all get second chances. That's how we move forward.

It'll all turn out fine in the end, you'll see. God has a funny way of making things work.

Live, laugh and love, friends.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

You know what?

I watched the sunrise about an hour ago and my room and the sky and the world glowed like i have never seen before.

It was one of the most beautiful things i have ever known.

Huh. I just had a pleasant thought.

Even the rising of the sun starts with only a sliver of light.

Have a good one today, folks.

Cap'n Vincent of the Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Try A Little Tenderness

God Bless Michael Buble, Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. There's nothing like typing three AP US history essays while listening to some of the most romantic music God put on this green earth. Ah, God bless Marc Broussard too.

Well, folks, here we are. Just me and my little sliver of hope. You never know, though. That little sliver could go a long way.

Here's a song for you.

I've Got You Under My Skin
by Michael Buble

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin

I've tried so not to give in
You know I've said to myself this affair ain't gonna go so well
So why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well
That I've got you way under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats in my ear

Don't you know fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, step up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin'
Cause I've got you under my skin

:) That song makes me smile.

i took more pictures, Em. They're so wonderfully gorgeous. And it was fun to look for them too. i still have 23 more, too. :)

Well, I'm still not done with those essays...
:)


...Just the thought of you makes me stop before i begin....

;)

P.S. Have fun at Illinois Band day all you Band Geeks!

A shot in the dark

Well, friends, it looks like that's what i got. It's like trying to hit a tiny little target in the dark and then somebody blindfolding you for extra giggles. Then you got this little itty bity target to shoot at. As if the odds aren't stacked enough in your favor, you're standing next to the crowd favorite...and it ain't easy to go against the flow.

Lemme' just say that, no matter how this whole shabang turns out, i think it's been worth the leap. It's been worth the leap of faith even if it turns out it was just to fall. I think, in this single edeavor, i have learned more about determination, persistance, willpower, faith, and being true to your self than i've ever known before. I'tll be worth it, no matter what, even with all the things I lost along the way, the chance to gain that one thing, the one person who really mattered, that, well, that just makes it all worth it. It's funny, one goes from no knowledge of any future at all to a sliver of a hope....just a sliver, and the whole journey seems to be worth it in the end.

I hope i can stay true to that, even throught the trials and tribulations. But, most of all, i hope that maybe, just maybe

I can hit that little target in the dark. Maybe, just maybe...well, even if i can't.

Doesn't mean i ain't gonna' give it one helluva' try.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Learned

Sometimes it is through our failures that we will succeed in those failures.

I only hope this holds true. It's one long game of poker, Mr. Schwartz...one long game.

There's and awfl lot of wood, cavya. Uma'd have her work cut out for her.

And to you Tori, my regards for sticking to your guns even if it means the worst for me. You stuck to your truths and there is much honor to be had in that.

And to you Mr. Pankuch, i leave nothing that has not already been given to you.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Well, you see folks, maybe i was wrong. Maybe it was worth the leap, the real question should be whether it's worth a fall. One must constantly remind themself of the possibility of failure. of the thought that slight chances are nothing but. That optimism only goes so far before realism kicks. One should trust me. I know.

Humility truly defines who we are, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It dictates our course of action and, ultimately, our way of life. It is these times, when we are the most naive and, seemingly, the very wisest that one must find the strength to be humble. For it truly takes strength.

You know, Kylie, maybe it is shattered into a thousand pieces, but i rather like it that way. If not on fire with passion, then let it learn to be humble. Maybe somewhere i'll find strength.

Hope. Whisper it a little closer for the word eludes my ears, now and i know not where it has gone.